Establish residency. If you’re filing for divorce on any ground other than adultery, you must live in New Jersey for twelve consecutive months before you file. If your divorce ground is adultery, you must only be a resident at the time you file.
Decide what ground you’re going to file on. As of 2007, New Jersey allows you to file for divorce due to irreconcilable differences. If you use this ground, you only need to state in your complaint that your marriage has been “broken” for six months or more. This is usually the easiest way to proceed unless something occurred between you, such as abuse, that might affect the court's custody decision. In that case, you can file on grounds of extreme cruelty, which is a catch-all category that allows you to list in your complaint actions that your spouse took to hurt you or your children.
Obtain a form for a complaint for divorce from the Family Court clerk in your county. Complete the form, specifying the ground you’ve chosen to file on and the names, addresses and other identifying information of you, your spouse and your children. At the end of the complaint form, list what you want from the divorce, such as custody, spousal support, child support and property division. It’s generally a good idea to list anything you think you might want. You can always change your mind later and decline something, but you’d have to submit an amended complaint for divorce to add things later.
Ask the court clerk for forms for a “Confidential Litigant Information Sheet” and a “Certificate of Insurance Coverage.” You must file these along with your complaint. The former is a one-page form that asks for some basic background information regarding your marriage. The latter requires policy numbers and details for all insurance policies you and your family have in place.
Take your original completed documents and one extra copy to the civil courthouse in the county where you lived when you were married. File them with the Dissolution Intake unit of Family Court and pay the filing fee. The clerk will keep your original documents and stamp your copies as filed, then return them to you so you can have them served on your spouse.