Things I Should Do Before Filing for Divorce

By Beverly Bird

Chances are, if you’re about to file for divorce, you’re pretty sure you want one. But before you sign the papers, take a deep breath. Ask yourself if you’re reacting emotionally or angrily to a situation that occurred within the last few weeks. Will your spouse be surprised or has this been brewing for some time? If you’re sure you can’t save your marriage, it might be time to move forward. Even so, before you rush out and file the papers, get your ducks in a row.

Increase Your Earnings

When you and your spouse separate, your available income will drop significantly. You and your spouse may have had the luxury of two incomes; now you’ll have one. If you’re the higher wage-earner, this might not be a crippling problem. If not, your first order of business should be to figure out a way of supplementing your income. Most state courts decide issues of alimony or spousal support on a case-by-case basis, so you can’t count on it. Before you file for divorce, try to find a full-time job, a position that pays better or a second job. If necessary, go back to school or sign up for a training course to hone your job skills. Divorce is hard enough, even if you’re the one who wants it. Don’t put yourself through the added stress of not being able to make ends meet.

Legal Preparation

Consult with several attorneys until you find someone you’re comfortable with, and while you're at it, ask them what you can and cannot do while you’re planning your divorce. For example, in most states, you can’t hack into your spouse’s computer to find proof that he’s been cheating on you. You generally can’t take the kids and move to a neighboring state. Once your divorce is underway, your spouse might grasp for anything he can possibly use against you. Don’t make legal missteps that will give him ammunition.

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Document Your Marriage

Before you file for divorce, and ideally before your spouse realizes you’re going to, begin collecting all the financial documentation you can find around the house. This is especially important if your spouse is the one who has historically handled your finances. Look for bank statements, tax returns, investment account statements, retirement plan documentation, and mortgage and credit card bills. Don’t take the documentation you find. Copy it for the attorney you’ll eventually retain and put it back where you found it. Keep it in a safe place, preferably not at home or in your car. When and if you retain an attorney, you can hand it all over to him. Otherwise, consider renting a safe deposit box to hold everything until your divorce is underway, and you need proof of your marriage’s assets and debts.

Establish a Support Network

Even if the divorce is your idea, you’re probably not going to move through the process without some angst, anger and stress, especially if you have children. Before you file for divorce, know who you can run to when the going gets tough. Your attorney’s job is to represent your best interests, not be there every time you want to vent. Even friends may grow tired of listening or feel divided loyalties. Consider joining a support group or establishing a relationship with a therapist or counselor so you have a safe harbor in place as you deal with this momentous change in your life.

Divorce is never easy, but we can help. Learn More
What Are the Steps to Divorce for an Abusive Marriage?
 

References

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Do-It-Yourself Divorce Papers

Divorce is hard enough without adding the complication of finding the perfect attorney. An excellent litigator might have no compassion for your personal concerns. The lawyer who is willing to hold your hand through tough moments might be a flop in the courtroom. Add to that the high cost of legal fees, and you might think you’re better off just writing your own documents and representing yourself. There are many pros and cons, however.

How Do I File for Divorce?

The road from deciding you want to end your marriage to beginning the actual legal process can be a bumpy one. Many of your early decisions can impact the entire proceedings and determine whether your divorce is amicable or a hard-fought battle. Although the legal process of filing a divorce petition and serving it on your spouse is similar from state to state, the steps you take to get to that point can vary depending on your personal situation.

What to Do When You Receive Divorce Papers

Ideally, receiving divorce papers from your spouse won’t come as a shock to you, and you won’t get them at work when curious co-workers are watching. After you get over the hurdle of initial emotion, take as firm a grip as possible on your common sense. Begin taking proactive steps forward.

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